party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
