She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
please come you make the beer taste better
I wish you could order shots online.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
