No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
