I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
