Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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