you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
