my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
how drunk are you?
Several
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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