I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
