Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
MIDGETS
????
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
