He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Can I color on your dick again?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
