Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
