We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
