I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
