This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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