Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
