My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Randomize
