Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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