We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
