I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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