I wish you could order shots online.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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