As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
