I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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