Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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