i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
