I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
