Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize