we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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