there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
