I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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