you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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