you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
