I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
