why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
