Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
