I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he thought i was a dude.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
