My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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