my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
