Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
