I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
