bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
