You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
