my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
