I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
