dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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