swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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