Will you blow on my dice?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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