I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
