omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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