Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Can I color on your dick again?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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