ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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