I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
