Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Its about making memories worth repressing
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
