Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
