TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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