Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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