youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
