Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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