Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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