This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
