At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
