how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
