You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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