OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Randomize
