Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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