You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize