God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
