You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
