There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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