He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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