Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
