And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
