It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
