dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
