God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
