Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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