conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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