That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
