my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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