i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
