I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
