u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
