just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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