And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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