nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
