..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
