Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
