he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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