Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
