Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
